Weakness to Victory

We are day 5 into our fast. I have completely felt weak beyond my own recognition. Not from the lack of certain foods but the harboring feeling of inadequacy in almost every aspect of my life. It seems as though defeat had went out before me and put a stumbling block before my every step. However when reading my daily devotion this was the core scripture:

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

How awesome is the WORD of God, He knew exactly what I needed in my moment of beating myself up. Don't so many of us moms do that? We tend to over analyze and brow beat ourselves for our lack of imperfection. I know I do. This season of my family's life is very different. From adult children moving out to major life changing decisions that change the direction of everything. It just seems like I can't think straight.

Inside my mind its chaotic. Is this of God, by no means, no it is not but it is a very common reality of a wife and mother. Quieting my mind is like trying to stop a train with a broom stick, it may derail but the aftermath is horrific. I have to do lists a mile long and to top it off just received a very long softball season schedule.

It has rained here in Dallas for two days straight. I have felt very in tune with the grayness of the day. I felt as though maybe the rain was washing away the impurities both in the natural and in the spiritual. From attacks on my children and my health, I have prayed for a ray of sunshine, a breath of God's Holy spirit to breath in clarity.

One of the ah ha moments of my morning devotion was that my weakness does not make me weak. My thoughts of inadequacy are just that thoughts, there is no validity to that description. I have to stop allowing these personal attacks justify my character before an amazing God. He does not see weakness, He sees in Him I am strong. I have to stop focusing on the inability caused by weakness and rest in the arms of the ONE who gives me strength when I am weak.

Another realization is that  I am not in chaos, my thoughts are. I need to remove the value that I have applied to all the "things" that run around my my mind. I create the environment for peace or strife in quieting my mind. My core scripture is from when Jesus was in the boat and the disciples were afraid of the storm and He said: 

"And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." Matt 4:39

Everything Jesus did he did with His spoken Word. I have to take ownership of His strength in my weak moments and begin to speak his Word into those things. I look back to the beginning:

“The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep…” Gen. 1:2

When God was laying the foundation of the earth it was void of shape, it was empty and it was dark however each day he spoke life into it. Life, that's the precious nugget for me. This is life, it will be stressful, chaotic, joyous, peaceful and sometimes painful but it is still life. At the end of creation He rested, the Sabbath. This is the piece of the puzzle I struggle with. 

So as the fast continues I pray for God to teach me to honor the Sabbath, to teach me to seek Him more aggressively, to Love more aggressively, to serve others even greater then before and for Him to draw me closer to my family.