GODLY RELATIONSHIPS?

This morning on the ride in to work my husband and I were talking about a "bet" he and a childhood friend made. Basically the bet was that another childhood friend would not make it up to Dallas from their hometown while my husband is on holiday here in Dallas during the holidays.

As I chuckled, it was evident that was always the circumstance for this friend. His family is very church driven and unless its church he generally is not "allowed" to participate. That really bothered me because I learned long ago from a mother in my home church Blessed Assurance that my marriage and children are my first ministry.

Over the last few weeks I have been getting to my WOW ministry group early and working in the bookstore, at that time of the morning the mens ministry is in full session and the session plays in the bookstore on the monitors. I have been hearing alot about men and the need to have and nurture authentic relationships with other GODLY men, not perfect men but men that will be there in your season of victory and your season of defeat.

I would never discourage my husband from those types of relationships and Lord knows over the years of being married we both have needed those authentic relationships that will make sure we don't hear what we want to hear but what we need to hear. I have always been involved in ministry and so has my husband. However I learned to prioritize my family. It did not mean I loved God any less but the 4 walls and 20 meetings of the church would go on with or without me.

As a young wife I did have an amazing marriage to watch growing up, my parents, married for more than 20 years prior to my fathers passing. I watched my mom have a life beyond our home and so did my father. I watched as my fathers friends would come and hang out when he got sick and when mom became ill her friends rallied behind our family in care for her. My parents never gave each other permission to go somewhere or even had to ask each other. They had daily communication and knew when to pull in the family reigns and reconnect. There was never a time that we did not have a hot home cooked meal or that daddy didn't pay the mortgage.

I would never want to be a wife that is so suspicious that every male friend my husband has is going to influence him to against the principles of the God we serve. I value each one of my husbands friends. These are men that I know would make a drive at 2 am to be by his side. I too, have friends that would do the same and none of these friends even in the hardest of times for us have ever told us anything that would direct us from God.

Even my Pastor, Bryan Carter and his beautiful wife Stephanie, have become transparent vessels of authentic relationships both in how they conduct themselves as pastoral leadership, husband and wife, parents and as friends. Pastor Carter made a statement this past Sunday that although he and his family were due to go out of town for Thanksgving, they decided to disconnect as leadership and reconnect as a family, just his wife and children. I found that so valuable. He and his wife both have mentioned time they have shared as individuals with college friends and how inportant those times are as well. With so much valuable transparency, its hard to live any other way.

However this generation is so greatly divided on things based on old world wisdom.

"Todays young women have become a culture of independent women, women who lead the household, who make the decisions, who control the day to day life, do most to all the parenting/discipline, control the finances, speak their mind and not tolerate anyone who disrespects us and maybe I’d go as bold as to say, who questions us. I had to take charge when my husband was out to sea all the time and I know many other wives that did the same but I can testify, I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT OR CONTINUE WHEN HE GOT HOME. This is NOT what God wanted. More than realizing, it is so hard to break the habits that the feminism era has brought our way. Now I am not saying that all the changes that were made were negative.

Nowhere in the bible does it say that husbands can disrespect their wives, control with an iron fist and make each and every decision.

What it does say is this…. Ephesians 5:22-33 (NIV) 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Pretty heavy stuff …surely something that would get this generation of "independent, non mess taking women" in an uproar, but that is because we don’t want to understand what Paul was really saying. They take it literally, that women are to be submissive. But that isn’t really what Paul’s intent was. He was giving a directive for a "voluntary" yielding in love on the part of the wife.

Nowhere does it say that the husbands are to control their wives. Instead it instructs the wives to take submission into their own hands. This does not deny the husband and wife's essential equality before God, which Paul mentions in Galatians 3:28, where he declares, "There is neither ... male nor female, for all are one in Christ."

Both men and women share equality not sameness before God. Paul tells us that wives submit to husbands as the head of the household just as Christ is the head of the church. We don’t question that we need to submit to the head of the church and thus by following this teaching, wives are doing this as an act of obedience to the Lord… by submitting to our husbands we are showing reverence for the one they submit to…the Lord. And this submission doesn’t mean we don’t’ stand up for what we believe in, it doesn’t mean that men are always right, that we have to believe all they say to be true.

What it does mean is that ultimately it needs to be the husband who leads the family. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church" (verse 25) does not mean husbands, "Be the head over your wife." Rather Paul tells them to love their wives. Paul says three simple things about this love. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (verses 25-27), as his own body (28-30), and with a passion transcending all other commitments (31-33).

I used to have so many things on my to do list. I have learned that although they may be there still, I have to know when to disconnect from this world and reconnect with the ones who matter most and to learn that nurturing those valued relationships will carry me for the rest of my life.


I close with this:

The author of one site I read put Paul’s direction…his urging to the husband to set the tone of spiritual leadership in the home in a way that made it so much clearer... At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships."4 A husband needs to assume a certain responsibility for the spiritual growth of his wife. In order to do that, though, husbands must "give themselves" for their wives (verse 25) by laying aside many of their own personal desires and conveniences in order to fulfill a higher and prior call.

2012 Year in review!

As we end 2012 I am so thankful for the Victories and Trials this year has brought. The plan "I" had is definately not the plan GOd has for our family or for me individually. We have been in Texas for over a year now and we are finally just beginning to settle in. Its been different with school schedules, work schedules and plenty of hurdles along the way. I am learning to sit and be still even when its hard. I am learning to get through watching my children move on to lives of their own. I am learning that in order to live a life that glorifies God in each season, I must take some sticky notes off my wall and understand the seasons of my life. I am learning that everything is not a right now moment, except a clean house.....lol! Sorry folks, God is still working on me in this area and my obsession with CLEAN. We finally took a full family vacation to Atlanta this year and spent time with family. We had a blast. Well to catch up on the family: William: Still in California for now working and searching for jobs here in Dallas Marsha: Breathing.....writing my testimony, finally joined a womans small group at church and loving it, crocheting...not sure if I really like it, reading all I can about adoption, PINTREST JUNKIE. Darrell: He is in the US ARMY now. He left September 25th and will graduate on December 7th 2012 and will head to Virginia for a few months of school. I am so proud of him. Chloe: She is in the US ARMY. She graduates bootcamp January 17th and will also head to Virginia for school for a few months. Keanu: In the ARMY now and will graduate January 24th and will go to Georgia for school till the end of May. Adrenna: Wow time flies. She is a senior at CHHS in Cedar Hill and will graduate in June 2013. SHe will attend either U of Texas at Arlington and study NUrsing or attend Arkansas State int he fall. Bailey: She is in the 10th grade and plays varsity softball. She is doing great and is expecting to have alot of recruiting opportunities this spring. She is also the football manager for 2013/2014 football season Mackenzie: Well my little drama queen is taking her talent to the stage in the spring production of "Grace" a gsopel remake of Grease. I am very proud of the strides she is making. With 2013 right around the corner the praying and goal setting is in full effect and we pray our friends adn family are doing the same for 2013.